What doesn’t kill you makes a funny story.
I write to inspire, amuse and say what everyone is thinking.
My stories have been featured in Magnolia Journal, on Scary Mommy, HuffPost & Medium, and widely shared across the interwebs.
Going Back to College
What I can actually remember of my college partying days was pretty awesome. So when my 19-year-old niece invited me to accompany her mother, a mutual friend and her teen daughter to her sorority’s Mom’s Weekend at Indiana University, I was all like, Yaaasss! (Because...
The Writing On My Walls
It’s not much of a reach to say I am a big fan of manifestos and slogans. After all, I’ve made a career out of creating them. But recently I was reminded of my obsession with the written word when a guest remarked that she was getting a kick out of reading the signs I...
Teach Kids Gratitude and (Maybe) Someday They’ll Thank You
We’ve nicknamed my daughter “Ms. More” because, since the day she was born, she's always angled to get more than she has. If I agree to let her have one cookie, she immediately wants two. Before I’m even done reading her a bedtime story, she’s already asking for...
Ducking the Mamarazzi
Whenever an old high school chum sends me a friend request, I run to her Facebook page to see what she looks like now, and (fine, I can admit this), how I look in comparison. Has she also traded in her Sun-In for Gray Away? Would I still recognize her without her...
What Moms Want More Than Sex
Hot sex is good. Hot coffee is even better. I used to lust over hard pecs and slow kisses. Three kids and two thousand sleepless nights later, here are a few of the things I’ve found myself fantasizing about: 1. Scotch tape Just one roll that is mine all mine, that...
Why I Want A Wife
My son’s friend has two moms. They share the house chores and also share a business, so over the years have taken turns being the working mom or the one who stays at home. To me, their setup sounded better than being married to a doctor who does Botox. And it made me...
Your Kid Sucks. So Shut Up.
There is some kind of Newtonian law that the more a kid sucks at a sport, the more vocal his parents are on the sidelines. Often, this coincides with Galileo’s hypothesis that these are precisely the same parents who are “experts” at the game being conducted, though...
REALLY Creative Ways to Show Mom Love
Because I am such a big deal (insert laughing noises here) the folks at FTD sent me a list of creative ways to show mom gratitude on Mother's Day, thinking I may want to share it with you, my lovely readers. And, really, it was so sweet of them, because now I get to...
The Art of I Don’t Care
Yesterday I was sitting in the dentist chair, mouth splayed open like a crime scene, with that spit-slurping wand sucking up all my dignity as the overzealous hygienist told me I needed to floss better. And as she showed me exactly how to jam that unholy wax string up...
Find It In You
I have this quote hanging in my bedroom, beneath a ledge I call my dream shelf: “Don’t wait around for other people to be happy for you. Any happiness you get, you’ve got to make yourself.” I can’t remember where I first saw it. Could have been a fortune cookie. Or a...
Forget the Resolutions and Have an Attitude Adjustment Instead
Let’s all resolve to stop whining and start thinking positive before I smack you. It’s resolution time again, and everyone I know is concocting their admirable, if not impossible, goals for the New Year: “I’m going to lose 50 pounds. By February.” “I’m going to climb...
Passing the Baton
I’ve been running for a longer time than I have the brain cells to remember, but I must have started around my oldest son’s age. Which would have made me a middle schooler. What I do remember in mental high-def was getting up super early before school—while it was...
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